tmttactical
A True Doomsday Prepper
Sorry for your loss Ghost. It is NEVER easy. My best wishes for you and your family.
I lost my son Tuesday
- Thread starter Gazrok
- Start date
Help Support Doomsday Prepper Forums:
TexasFreedom
A True Doomsday Prepper
Gazrok,
Nobody should ever bury their own child. Such a tragedy. My prayers for your family.
Nobody should ever bury their own child. Such a tragedy. My prayers for your family.
Gazrok
A True Doomsday Prepper
I almost think it's something in the genes. As you may know, he's my stepson, though I never saw the difference. But, his grandfather committed suicide at 24. His dad at 25. He was 23. That's just too much of a coincidence for me.
Thing is, even at his happiest moments, he had just convinced himself of his depression, so there was really no way he was ever going to really overcome it (I think). Even in counseling, he'd simply tell them what he thought they wanted to hear.
The stages of this are SO weird. Obviously, the hurt and pain, but anger, confusion, and then guilt when something makes you laugh, as if you're not "permitted" too, because of this. Words just fail to explain it for anyone else. I don't know how.
Depression can feel like a bedrock deep under a meadow. Whatever happens near the surface, that core remains constant.
I hope you and your family have lots of support, Gazrok. Grieving is such a bizarre scramble of responses, and I get what you mean about the laughter/guilt situation. Laughing over something then getting spooked about laughing. Hold fast.
Brent S
Top Poster
I’ve read that when someone in a family commits suicide that others are many times more likely too. I don’t know if it’s genetic or just a learned association. Either way, it’s sad to waste a young life, and worse on the ones close to them. Life can be tough at times, but also wonderful at others. I wish the best for you and your family as you learn to deal with this.
Sorry for your loss too GG. The more you love the worse it hurts. Take care.
It isn't weird. It's normal, don't worry about what you think you should be feeling. Just go with it and don't worry about what other peoples perceptions are. When my grandfather died we all went to Grandmas after the funeral to eat had a good ole time, telling jokes and acting silly, it helped my mother and grandma a lot. Grandpa would have loved that. I did not feel guilty for feeling good, it was an honor to him in a way. you'll go through a lot of emotions that may seem odd or come at odd times. A balance will come. So sorry you and your family have to struggle through this crazy and sad process.
It could certainly be genetic, in that the cause of clinical depression has to do with brain chemistry. So little is understood about clinical depression, even today. Such a disorder has nothing to do with his choices. It is a disorder that can be often treated but the treatment is slow. If one medicine doesn't work, there others to try but the problem is, it can take weeks to determine if that medicine will work.
I suffered clinical depression in the past & it is hell... absolute hell. During that time I was completely cut off from God... at least from my perspective. I could feel no emotion. No joy nor no hate. I couldn't sleep and couldn't hardly force myself to eat and I'm a big guy that loves food more than anything. About the only thing I felt was an unending loathing of myself... that I was completely worthless & a complete failure. If not for the love of my wife & the responsibilities of owning a business & the responsibility of taking care of my two boys, I would have ended it myself. That is all I could think of for weeks & weeks. It is no surprise young folks suffering thru clinical depression will commit suicide, as they have little responsibility to others.
For many, including me, there is a trigger event which throws off the brain chemistry. It can be the death of a loved one, a financial setback, or some other emotional event. Having gone thru clinical depression, I understand these trigger events and try to deal with them. For me, the key is to change my thoughts. As opposed to thinking about the trigger event, I change my thoughts to something else. For me, it happens to be living on the farmstead and prepping. So whenever I feel an event may be coming on, I concentrate on my preps and what needs to be done next. I concentrate on what is growing and what I will be growing. For some reason, that gives me a peacefulness that overcomes the bad feelings.
You are in my prayers.
How are you hanging in there Gaz? Thinking about you bud!
Roninsensei
If it’s sharp, I’m your guy....
Gaz, My dear friend, I write this to you while fighting back the tears for you and all of your family and this terrible loss. I have lost brothers in arms too many times (11 now) to suicide and the whole cycle will change you and yours maybe forever. I wish I was closer to you there in Florida to help you, brother. I'm 110% here for you if you need me. PM me if you need anything and I'll send you my number. Just love those that are there now the best you know how is all I can advise you. This can rip even some of the strongest families apart. Be the rock I know you can be and you'll come through this. I'm sending all the energy I can muster your way my friend. I hope beyond hope for you and your family to come out the other side and be ok.
Fate screams at the warrior "You will not survive the coming storm" And the warrior whispers back "I am the storm"
Fate screams at the warrior "You will not survive the coming storm" And the warrior whispers back "I am the storm"
Gazrok
A True Doomsday Prepper
Thanks Brent.
We're hanging in there. Went back to the house last night, first time since it all happened (been staying with friends, and in hotels, with me going back periodically to feed the animals). Most of his friends and other family are a city away, so we're doing most tasks in the city. (so easier to stay there that first week).
Both of us are just going back to work. It's a welcome distraction (and a lot to catch up on). This whole thing has just torn our family apart, and it will take time to stitch it back.
We're hanging in there. Went back to the house last night, first time since it all happened (been staying with friends, and in hotels, with me going back periodically to feed the animals). Most of his friends and other family are a city away, so we're doing most tasks in the city. (so easier to stay there that first week).
Both of us are just going back to work. It's a welcome distraction (and a lot to catch up on). This whole thing has just torn our family apart, and it will take time to stitch it back.
Brent S
Top Poster
I really do wish you the best through all of this. I just hope you and your wife can find some peace eventually.
